Q140: WHAT DOES IT MEAN, "HONOR YOUR FATHER AND YOUR MOTHER" (Exodus 20:12)? Does This Apply To The Parents Who Are In Conflict With Their Children? Is This Talking About The Sefirot ABBA AND IMA, Our Supernal Father And Mother; or Also About Our Earthly Parents?

Hi Lope!

I had a question about God's command of "HONOR YOUR MOTHER AND FATHER." Is that talking about the sefirot Abba and Ima, or also our Earthly Parents? Me and Dirk have been attacked by my mom for 14 years since we have been married (mocking, making fun of our festivals, how we eat kosher, insulting, etc.).

2 Timothy 3:1-5 explain what she has become. Its getting darker and darker when she comes over, and we were praying about it to tell her to stay away. Do you think this is the right course of action? 

Thanks, 

LOLA RUTHERFORD

Salem, Oregon, USA

Hi, Lola! Thanks again for your question. God's command in Exodus 20:12 to HONOR OUR FATHER AND MOTHER is applicable both to our Earthly Parents AND to our Parents in Heaven (ABBA AND IMA)! 

It's easy to honor Righteous Parents; but the real test occurs when our Parents go in the wrong direction. If we are commanded by God to submit or honor our Boss or Masters, not only to the Good and Gentle, but also to the Wicked (1Peter 2:18), how much more to our Parents who suffered hardships during pregnancy and birth that brought us to this world?

• Servants, be in subjection to your masters with all fear; not only to the good and gentle, but also to the wicked.  (1Pet 2:18 HNV)

Why should we endure these hardships, honoring even the wicked masters, and those personalities that we don't like in our relationships? 

• For it is commendable if someone endures pain, suffering unjustly, because of conscience toward God.  (1Pet 2:19 HNV)

• For what glory is it if, when you sin, you patiently endure beating? But if, when you do well, you patiently endure suffering, this is commendable with God.  (1Pet 2:20 HNV)

WE SHOULD FOLLOW CHRIST'S EXAMPLE. THIS IS OUR CALLING

• For to this you were called, because Messiah also suffered for us, leaving you an example, that you should follow His steps, who did not sin, "neither was deceit found in his mouth."  (1Pet 2:21-22 HNV)

• Who, when He was cursed, didn't curse back. When He suffered, didn't threaten, but committed Himself to Him who judges righteously;  (1Pet 2:23 HNV)

In spite of everything, we must be grateful to our parents who brought us to this world. And we must not forget that they exerted themselves in various efforts when we are just a baby and child. Even if you happen to be very remorseful about them, you must still be eternally thankful to your parents for bringing you into the world and showering you with much warmth and love. And if you have become Great today, and they are just simple folks, be thankful for your parents' role in bringing you to where you are now.

Feeling resentful might seem a justified sentiment to harbor toward your parents who are against you. But the unchangeable truth is that it is your parents that God chose to bring you to this world. And in spite of so many troubles and sufferings you encountered in life; you became a decent, upright, mature, responsible, and Godly person. And all these were developed in you because of your parents. Your parents may even excel more than some others who have a “religious” outward appearance. It is this unchangeable heritage that they granted you. Although we need to distinguish between positive heritage (as in good character traits) and negative heritage (secular education, bad examples, etc.), nonetheless, the Good must take precedence over the Bad.

If you analyse it carefully, you might even discover that your becoming a True Christian was not despite your parents but because of them…

NOTE: According to Maimonides’ ruling (Hilchot Mamrim 6:11) and the Shulchan Aruch (Yoreh Deiah 240:18), the obligation to honor one’s parent’s is even regarding wicked parents. See also the Talmudic Encyclopedia entry on honoring one’s parents; Responsa Yabiya Omer part 8, Yoreh Deiah 21.

DON'T TELL YOUR PARENTS TO GO AWAY. HONOR THEM, AND SHOW THEM RESPECT AND GOOD WORKS 

• Repay no one evil for evil. Respect what is honorable in the sight of all men.  (Rom 12:17 HNV)

• Do not be conquered by evil, but conquer evil with good.  (Rom 12:21 HCSB)

The above Scriptures are hard to do according to our human terms and logic. And this is because our Evil Inclination resists these Godly commands. But it is God the Father's Will that we should be able to do what is required and commanded.

WHETHER WE LIKE IT OR NOT, WE HAVE TO OBEY AND LISTEN TO THE VOICE OF THE LORD OUR GOD

One of the major failures of Christians, Jews, Churches, and Religions, is that they obey God and the Bible only according to their own human logic and reasoning. But God's logic and reasoning is much higher than our human logic (Isaiah 55:8-9). We must realize and admit that our definitions and understanding of Good and Evil are much different than that of God's own definitions. Our attitude must be that we should obey all of God's commandments, listening to His voice, whether they are agreeable to us or not.

• Whether it be Good, or whether it be Evil, WE WILL OBEY THE VOICE OF THE LORD OUR GOD...that it may be well with us, when we obey the voice of the LORD our God. (Jer 42:6 HNV)

Matthew Henry's Commentary on the Whole Bible says:
“Though it may seem evil to us, yet we will believe that if God command it, it is certainly good, and we must not dispute it, but do it. Whatever God commands, whether it be easy or difficult, agreeable to our inclinations or contrary to them, whether it be cheap or costly, fashionable or unfashionable, whether we get or lose by it in our worldly interests, if it be our duty, we will do it.” -- HENRY

One classic example of not obeying this misunderstood Biblical Principle is the case of King Saul who obeyed God only according to what he saw fit and agreeable to him. That is, Saul obeyed God only so far as was agreeable to himself (1Samuel 15:3, 9, 13-15, 20-23). And because of this "incomplete" obedience, God removed Saul's Kingship (1Samuel 15:11).

HONOR YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER, AS GOD COMMANDED. OBEY YOUR PARENTS IN THE LORD

Thus, we have to honor our Father and Mother, even if they are against us. And please note that the command is, "OBEY YOUR PARENTS IN THE LORD" (Ephesians 6:1). This means that there is a limitation of the obedience, that is, as far as the parents commandments agree with those of God, and no further. No parent has a right to forbid a child to pray, to read the Bible, or to obey and worship God. The duties and rights of children in such cases are similar to those of wives to their husbands (Eph 5:22). But, as always, when there are conflicts of the commandments, God is to be obeyed rather than man (Act 5:29).

THE SWEETENING TRUTH AND REALIZATION

The most profound answer is in the viewpoint that show our parents as God’s representatives on earth. In spite of whatever negative and painful events in the past, and of it's continuance today; at the innermost point of perspective -- without taking into consideration how your parents chose to live their own lives -- God chose and used your parents to bring you into the world, and to reveal Himself to you via your physical Father and Mother. This reason is one that is capable of healing and sweetening any complex relationship in a family. Because once a lost child reveals God, he goes back to take a deeper look at his Parents and reveals a new aspect that immensely deepens his love for them.

Here are our final Scriptures: 

• Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, and pray for those who mistreat you. (Luke 6:27-28 HNV)

• Love your enemies, do what is good, and lend, expecting nothing in return. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the MOST HIGH. For He is gracious to the ungrateful and evil. (Luke 6:35 HCSB)

The "MOST HIGH" is God the Father (ABBA). So, if we are gracious to the ungrafeful, and even to our EVIL PARENTS, we became the Sons or Children of ABBA AND IMA. The logic is this: If we are able to honor our parents who are evil, then, God the Father is assured 100% that we will also honor Him, who is ALL GOOD, and has no evil!

• His Lord said to him, WELL DONE, GOOD AND FAITHFUL SERVANT! You have been faithful over a few things; I will make you ruler over many things. Enter into the joy of your Lord.  (Mat 25:21 MKJV)

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