Q136: PLEASE HELP ME, MY HUSBAND, AND MY SON! I've Been Reading Your Articles And I Desperately Need Your Assistance. I Have Read What You Have Said About Marriage. I Don't Want To Get Divorced. Please Help Me.

Dear Pastor Lope,
I've been reading your articles and I desperately need your assistance. My husband has quit his job and refuses to work, saying that God will provide and that money and working for money is evil. He will not do any work that involves being paid. We have been married five years, I have never worked and I love him and have a son with him who is only 16 months. Since this happened we have separated and he is now living with his parents as he refuses to work and says that the food and shelter his parents provide him with is really coming from God and that I need to join him.

He says it's illusion that his parents are providing- that it is really God. He will help people when they need it (building decks, etc) so long as they don't give him money.

He says that my salvation depends on me following him with my son and that even though this will be difficult (doing what I see as sponging off relatives and I would guess ultimately the government) that this is the right thing to do and what God asks of us.

I have read what you have said about marriage, I don't want to get divorced nor do I want to tell my husband what to do but how can I do what he is asking and is it the right thing to do?

Also I haven't worked since we were married, I am trying to work now to support our son but he was the sole provider and it has been very hard trying to get on my feet, without my parents. I honestly feel I would have been left in a shelter.

Is this what God requires? Should I do what he says and go and live with him and submit to these views on the bible? Please help me. Thank you.

Name Withheld 
Nov 7, 2013. At 12:36 PM 

Let me answer your questions and concerns, one by one,  with God's Scriptures.

1. MY HUSBAND HAS QUIT HIS JOB AND REFUSES TO WORK...

... we commanded you this, that IF ANYONE WOULD NOT WORK, NEITHER SHOULD HE EAT.  (2Th 3:10 MKJV)

For we hear that THERE ARE SOME WHO WALK DISORDERLY AMONG YOU, NOT WORKING AT ALL...  (2Th 3:11 MKJV)

Now we command and exhort those who are such, by our Lord Jesus Christ, that THEY WORK WITH QUIETNESS AND EAT THEIR OWN BREAD.  (2Th 3:12 MKJV)

• ...WE DID NOT BEHAVE OURSELVES DISORDERLY AMONG YOU, NEITHER DID WE EAT ANY MAN'S BREAD FREELY, but WE WORKED WITH LABOR and travail night and day, so that we might not be heavy on any of you (... to make ourselves an example to you, to imitate us).  (2Th 3:7-9 MKJV)

2. ...Saying that God will provide and that MONEY AND WORKING FOR MONEY IS EVIL. 

Money and working for money is not evil. It is the LOVE OF MONEY that is evil. Money per se is not evil.

Although money is a necessity to live in this world accordingly, if one is not careful, he/she can be obsessed by money. Thus, people have that LOVE OF MONEY when they set their hearts on it, having the obsession to become rich. 

When someone is obsessed by money, he/she has little or no more time for God, forgetting their true service and genuine love for God. They also lose their concern for their fellow human beings, even belittling and abusing them. Thus, people with the LOVE OF MONEY cheat, tell lies, murder, and do all kinds of evil you can imagine! In the end, these "rich people" became fools and they will be destroyed (Proverbs 1:32).

• ...THE PROSPERITY OF FOOLS SHALL DESTROY THEM.  (Pro 1:32 KJV)

• For THE LOVE OF MONEY IS THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.  (1Ti 6:10 KJV)

• They who will be rich fall into temptation and a snare, and into many foolish and hurtful lusts which plunge men into destruction and perdition. (1Tim 6:9 MKJV)

• ...IF RICHES INCREASE, DO NOT SET YOUR HEART ON THEM. (Psa 62:10 MKJV)

3. HE WILL NOT DO ANY WORK THAT INVOLVES BEING PAID. 

The principle of having a work being paid is illustrated in Matthew 20:1-9. Here, God Himself is involved in hiring people to do work that He will pay (with money).

• For the kingdom of heaven is like unto a man that is an householder, which went out early in the morning to hire labourers into his vineyard.  (Mat 20:1 KJV)

• And when he had agreed with the labourers for a penny a day, he sent them into his vineyard.  (Mat 20:2 KJV)

• So when even was come, the lord of the vineyard saith unto his steward, Call the labourers, and give them their hire, beginning from the last unto the first.  (Mat 20:8 KJV)

• And when they came that were hired about the eleventh hour, they received every man a penny.  (Mat 20:9 KJV)

4. We have been married five years, I have never worked and I love him and have a son with him who is only 16 months. Since this happened we have separated and HE IS NOW LIVING WITH HIS PARENTS... 

Living with parents when one is married is a violation of one of the Laws of Marriage (Mark 10:6-8, Genesis 2:24).  

Every Marriage must be independent of other Marriages and IN-LAWS. This is because God is always dealing uniquely with every Marriage and Family as a single unit. Living together with the In-Laws disturbs and interferes God's purpose for that particular Marriage and Family. 

Thus, the secret of a successful and blessed Marriage is very clear: "A MAN (HUSBAND) MUST LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE." Yes, this is to fulfill God's original design and purpose of a Godly Marriage: the Husband joining his Wife, not joining his parents (Mark 10:7)! 

• From the beginning of creation God made them MALE AND FEMALE.  (Mar 10:6 HCSB)

• For this reason A MAN WILL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh.  (Mark 10:7-8 HCSB)

• And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.  (Gen 2:23 KJV)

• This is why A MAN LEAVES HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND BONDS WITH HIS WIFE, and they become one flesh.  (Gen 2:24 HCSB)

5. I have never worked and I love him and have a son with him who is only 16 months. Since this happened WE HAVE SEPARATED...

For a husband and wife to be separated is a violation of a Godly Marriage. Marriage is a divine union of a TWO entities into a ONE unit. A husband and wife when united in marriage become one, not two anymore.

• Therefore they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let not man separate.  (Mat 19:6 MKJV)

• WHAT GOD HAS JOINED TOGETHER, MAN MUST NOT SEPARATE.  (Mar 10:9 HCSB)

6. He says that MY SALVATION DEPENDS ON ME FOLLOWING HIM with my son and that even though this will be difficult...

Your Salvation depends on you following God, not following any Man, including your husband that does not obey God. Follow a Man, only if he follows God. 

• ...We ought to obey God rather than men.  (Act 5:29 KJV)

7. I have read what you have said about marriage, I DON'T WANT TO GET DIVORCE... 

That's right. Don't get divorce. The only valid reason for divorce is sexual immorality (Matthew 19:9). And if, just in case, you really have to divorce your husband, you are not allowed to marry another man, while your divorced husband is still alive (1Corinthians 7:10-11). 

• I command the married--not I, but the Lord -- A WIFE IS NOT TO LEAVE HER HUSBAND. (1Cor 7:10 HCSB)

• But if she does leave, she must remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband -- and A HUSBAND IS NOT TO LEAVE HIS WIFE. (1Cor 7:11 HCSB)

• If a woman shall put away her husband and marries to another, she commits adultery. (Mark 10:12 MKJV)

• I (Christ) tell you that whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and he who marries her when she is divorced commits adultery. (Mat 19:9 HNV)

8. ...nor do I want to tell my husband what to do, but HOW CAN I DO WHAT HE IS ASKING, and IS IT THE RIGHT THING TO DO? 

You can tell or give suggestions to your husband what to do; in a respectful and gentle way. 

And don't forget to tell your marriage problems to God -- the Creator of the Marriage and Family Institutions. Ask help from Him, have faith, and let God do the problem-solving. God the Father and Jesus Christ will deal with your husband.

• ...having been left alone, has set her hope on God and continues in supplications and prayers night and day.  (1Tim 5:5 MKJV)

9. I haven't worked since we were married, I am trying to work now to support our son but HE WAS THE SOLE PROVIDER and it has been very hard trying to get on my feet, without my parents. I honestly feel I would have been left in a shelter.

It is the job of a Christian husband to provide for his family. Any husband not doing this is NOT A TRUE CHRISTIAN (1Tim 5:8).

• But if anyone doesn't provide for his own, and especially his own household, HE HAS DENIED THE FAITH, AND IS WORSE THAN AN UNBELIEVER.  (1Ti 5:8 HNV)

10. Is this what God requires? SHOULD I DO WHAT HE SAYS, AND GO AND LIVE WITH HIM and SUBMIT TO HIS VIEWS ON THE BIBLE?

You can go and live with your husband where he is now. Even though living with his parents is not a good thing, the oneness of your marriage and family takes precedence. He is still your husband. But living with your in-laws must be of a temporary basis only. 

Show him the Scriptures I have quoted here. With God's intervention and your good behavior, your husband's mind and heart might be opened to God's Truth and Laws of Marriage. And he will changed his outlook in life.

You don't have to submit to his wrong concepts or views of the Bible. But you don't have to argue with him. You can show him the Scriptures with respect, and if he argues, then don't argue in return. Just be silent and let God do the rest.

• ...Wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; so that, even if any don't obey the Word, they may be won by the behavior of their wives without a word; seeing your pure behavior in fear.  (1Pet 3:1-2 HNV)

< LOPE COLUMNA >
The BIBLE EXPLAINER AND REVELATOR